Nikah gantung has been a practice by members of the Malay Muslim community for quite some time. Despite this, up to date there are very few academic studies or publications that have been conducted or written on the particular subject matter, although it has been briefly mentioned in the book “Malay Kinship and Marriage in Singapore”.
So what exactly is nikah gantung? According to the anthropological study mentioned above, nikah gantung is a suspended marriage contract that is practised by the Javanese and Boyanese communities. This practice, although not widespread or prevalent enough to be considered a social phenomenon, cannot be considered to be uncommon either, especially within the communities that have been mentioned earlier. The suspension or gantung that has been mentioned here is the suspension of the rights to consummate the marriage. In other words, the couple that is going through such a marriage contract is still registered and legally bounded to one another by a state-appointed kadi in an akad nikah ceremony in accordance to the Shariah. The only difference is that the right to consummate the marriage is temporarily suspended for a stipulated amount of time. This altered clause, however, is based on the reason that the nikah gantung mentioned here is the marriage with a girl who has yet to attain puberty, hence is deemed to be unfit for consummation, until she has attained puberty, in accordance with the Shariah. As such, the girl continues to live in her parents’ household, separate from her husband, until she has attained puberty. When this is achieved, the suspension or gantung is then lifted, and the girl is then handed over to her husband for consummation and starts the life of a wife in her husband’s household from that point onwards (Djamour, 1958).[1]
This definition of nikah gantung, however, differs from the personal studies that I have conducted. Nikah gantung still remains, although it is practised in a different way, possibly because it has evolved over time to adapt and suit the changing needs of the community as well as to suit the changes in the marital laws in Singapore where child marriages are no longer legal.
As such, the concept of nikah gantung differs with different individuals. Mr Zawawi Buang, a 47 year old Javanese Workshop Instructor who went through nikah gantung at the age of 21 back then and is still happily married with 4 children, shares that the temporary suspension or gantung as mentioned above does not only involve the temporary suspension of the rights to consummation but also the temporary suspension of a proper marriage ceremony for a stipulated period of time. In other words, his concept of nikah gantung also involves postponing of the bersanding ceremony to a later date, usually for up to 2 years from the akad nikah ceremony. The reason in doing so is mainly to save up enough money to afford the costs of the marriage ceremony as well as the financial liabilities that would be incurred in living together, which may include the purchasing costs of a HDB apartment. As such, after the akad nikah ceremony, the married couple would live in separate households, restricting their engagements with one another to that of a social, non-sexual relationship. The husband is still required to contribute part of his income to support the livelihood of the wife in accordance to the Shariah, although they may be living separately from one another. This act of living separately comes to an end once the bersanding ceremony is conducted. As such, the relationship after the bersanding evolves to that of a typical husband and wife, where the husband is then allowed to consummate the marriage.
This concept of nikah gantung differs with the one held by Madam Mariam Alias, a 46 year old private tutor of mixed Indian-Malay descent who went through nikah gantung at the age of 19 back then and at present, is happily married with 7 children. Madam Mariam’s concept of nikah gantung extends beyond working adults saving up for the bersanding ceremony and the financial liabilities that would be incurred for a married couple living together. In fact, Madam Mariam views nikah gantung as the ideal alternative to the dating culture prevalent among youths today which may be a slippery path towards zina (illegitimate sex), modelling her ideas based on the marriage trends of youths in Saudi. As such, her concept of nikah gantung revolves around the idea of parents taking up the responsibility to support the married couple financially. In other words, her idea of temporary suspension or gantung here is the temporary suspension of the financial responsibilities and commitments of a husband towards his wife until the husband is financially ready and the couple is independent enough to live their lives together on their own.
This could be seen from one point of view as the Islamic solution for students in love who are concerned in the halal and haram aspects of gender interactions and are already set in committing their lives to one another. On the other hand, from another point of view, this proposed solution may open doors to even more problems, which may include the loss in the sacredness of the marriage contract, because immature youths may abuse the circumstances that they are offered and treat the marriage contract lightly, resulting in the possible increase in divorce rates. This worry is expressed by Farhana Bibi, a 21 year old undergraduate at NUS, who fears that students today may not have the maturity to go through nikah gantung. However, she also expressed that with both the financial and emotional support from the parents, divorce may not be the end product of such marriages. In addition, she restricts the right to nikah gantung to only those who are spiritually and emotionally prepared to be committed to one another.
This restriction suggested, however, is difficult to define and measure. According to Ustaz Abdul Rahman Shariff, a deputy kadi who has handled several cases of nikah gantung before, nikah gantung is often performed among youths whom he feels has not yet achieved the maturity required to carry out the roles of husbands and wives. In contrast, nikah gantung is also used among youths as a cover up of unwanted pregnancies too.
Besides the potential problems of immaturity and divorce, there are moral and ethical considerations with respect to this nikah gantung concept suggested by Madam Mariam too. As stated by Ustaz Abdul Rahman Shariff in a phone correspondence, such a concept is foreign to the spirit of Muslim marriages, whereupon the signing of the marriage contract, the husband is obliged to fulfil his obligations towards his wife, especially financially. The obligations mentioned here are those that encompass the maintenance of lodging, clothing, food and general care of the wife (Hammudah, 1977)[2]. Ustaz Abdul Rahman disagrees with the notion that parents should bear the financial burden of their children’s marriage, because this is quite contrary with the fundamental terms and clauses of a marriage contract, forcing the parents to carry out the roles and responsibilities that are not supposed to be theirs. This view is shared by Mr Zawawi, who argues that the suspension of the financial responsibilities of a husband would reduce the marriage institution to that of a ‘legalised’ boyfriend-girlfriend relationship. This shaky affair would be made more complicated should the couple disrespect the mutual agreement of restricting their relationship to that which is non-sexual in nature. This circumstance may lead to unwanted pregnancies, which would further add to the financial burden that is borne by the parents. In addition, the young husband may not be matured or responsible enough to anticipate his new role as a father to his children.
Madam Mariam defends her idea of nikah gantung, asserting that the prevention of sin is greater in value than that of divorce. In fact, divorce is never considered a sin, whereas unlawful gender interaction is. She further adds that the usage of contraceptives, common in today’s world, would help to prevent unwanted pregnancies as discussed previously.
I can recall a conversation that I had with a female friend in NUS, where she draws upon the similarity of this concept of nikah gantung to that of Rasulullah S.A.W’s marriage to Aisyah R.A. This argument, according to Ustaz Abdul Rahman Shariff, cannot be accepted because the context is different altogether. Firstly, Rasulullah is a matured adult with the financial ability to support a wife. Secondly, Aisyah was still a 6 year old girl (although there has been dispute over this age but this will not be discussed in this article) hence Rasulullah S.A.W is postponing the consummation of his marriage until Aisyah has reached the age of puberty. This concept of nikah gantung would be more consistent with that suggested by Judith Djamour in her anthropological studies stated earlier in this article and not with the one introduced by Madam Mariam. As such, Ustaz Abdul Rahman argues that such comparisons cannot be used due to its inherent contextual differences.
In conclusion, nikah gantung is a tricky subject that has not been studied in great detail and its definitions vary from one individual to another, possibly due to the individual’s cultural background and religious orientation. On one hand, nikah gantung is perceived to be a practice that is largely cultural in nature, that is, the temporary suspension or postponement of the bersanding ceremony. On the other hand, it is perceived to be an alternative solution to unlawful dating practices prevalent among youths today. However, with regards to the latter, there are varying opinions in its viability as a solution, as well as the moral and ethical concerns that are attached to it. In my opinion, I am more inclined to accept the arguments against nikah gantung as an alternative solution to unlawful dating practices. This is because marriage should be guided by the ethical principles of mutual love and compassion, as stated in the Qur’an:
“And one of His signs is that He created mates for you from yourselves that you may find rest in them, and He put between you love and compassion; most surely there are signs in this for a people who reflect.” (Surah Al-Rum: 30)
The guiding principles of love and compassion mentioned here in my opinion, are not only between the couple, but extend towards their parents as well. And how would love and compassion be extended to our parents if we are to burden them financially with our marriage? Indeed, the intentions of making our love relationships lawful via nikah gantung may be to prevent the occurrences of sin and zina. But to do this without considering the guiding principles of love and compassion towards our parents would make our intentions inadequate and not fully aligned with the spirit of Islam. In addition, the idea of formulating a practical easy way out, in my opinion, is in contrast to the spirit of jihadun-nafs (the strive against one’s lowly desires) and the Prophet S.A.W ‘s suggestion of performing the fast to quell the sexual urges if one cannot afford to marry.
Nonetheless, nikah gantung remains a debatable subject open to further scrutiny and analysis.
Written by:
Hasanul Arifin
1st Year Bioengineering Undergraduate
NUS Muslim Society
[1] Djamour.J, Malay Kinship and Marriage in Singapore, London School of Economics Monographs of Social Anthropology, July 1958, pg 71
[2] Hammudah.A, The Family Structure in Islam, American Trust Publications, 1977, pg 150
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